Guilt.

It's really something that I've tried to eliminate with this new lifestyle change. I don't want to feel guilty for indulging in a good dessert or meal once in a while. It's when the indulgence turns into an every day thing that becomes a problem. Case in point.

Last night I made a quick meal of some taco meat, lettuce, cheese and salsa and made a taco salad. I've been doing well by not eating things like flour tortillas, etc. But I had a hankering last night for something crunchy with my salad. So I took some of the corn tortillas in the pantry, brushed them with olive oil, and baked them for about 15 min at 400 degrees. Voila! Perfectly crunchy homemade tortilla chips. I was in control of these chips, because I made them. I made about 4 small tortillas worth of chips (approx. 8 chips per tortilla - they were really small) so if you do the math that's 32 chips total. Ryan ate a few, I ate a few and I put some away for lunch today. The crappy thing about this was that I felt GUILTY for even eating the chips at that point. It irks me that I now feel guilty for eating anything that I'm not "supposed" to eat. I would like to be able to enjoy a treat every now and then for goodness sake!

As a side note - if you 3 people that read this blog are looking for a grain free/gluten free snack bar that only has like 4 ingredients...here's a good one that I had today. It was a Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Larabar.

 

The only ingredients in these things are dates, cashews, chocolate chips (the one I had today) and sea salt. Very tasty and portable! The carb count is a little high (~30 g) but in a pinch this is a great alternative to eating something not so great for you!

Down.

I forgot to post my "weigh-in" from last Thursday. So I weighed in this morning at Atomic, the verdict...

146lbs

Even with my McDonald's debauchery last week, I'm still losing. I'm officially down a total of 4.5 lbs. I know that most of it has been water weight, but it still feels good to be able to take off some weight. I've honestly been struggling with this last 10 lbs since about December of last year. It's the remainder of the baby weight I had from Ansley. I think that I was so accustomed to eating semi-healthy and staying active that I could really eat what I wanted and stay about the same. My body has changed a bit since she was born and I was having some issues accepting that and realizing that I will have to really pay attention to what I'm putting in my body. 

I wish I could say this it's ONE diet/ eating plan that's doing it, but honestly I've found something that works for me. It's not a magic formula, or a pill, or a person. It's just me, being aware of what I'm putting into my body.  I haven't totally eliminated all sugars, I still eat fruit, have sweet tea occasionally and eat dark chocolate, but the sheer fact that I've cut out all the excess snacking (which was usually crackers, cookies, etc.) has made all the difference in the world. Another FANTASTIC part about what I'm doing is that I have not counted a single calorie since I've been doing this. My dietary past is one of either counting calories or weighing and measuring everything. It's been quite relaxing to look at the content and quality rather than the numbers. 

I'm starting to feel stronger and lighter in my workouts. Yesterday I had one of the best performances that I've ever had in Crossfit. I pushed myself harder and longer than I used to be able to handle. My body is loving this no-gluten, low sugar thing! 

Day 13

Greetings!
This weekend was OK. On Friday we had our Magic party. I had a couple of glasses of wine, beef, very small portion of noodles, fruit, and a salad. It was very delicious! After that it was dessert heaven BUT Jamie and Beth primal nightmare! I feel like more desserts have been put in my face the past 13 days than ever before. Or possibly it is because I did not notice how many desserts were in my face because I was too busy stuffing my face! Either way, I did eat one cheesecake square. It was definitely awesome but of course after eating it I was mad at myself. Owell, it was a part of my 20%... :) Saturday was not a bad day, typical selections! On Sunday I "baked" with my mom at my parents house and there were so many things I wanted to eat! Mints balls, Red Velvet balls, "stick balls", fugde, smore bites! Oh man! I denied. One point= Jamie. It was tough, that stuff looked soooo good!! Until next time......... (ready for my cheat day on Christmas!!)

Reflect.

It's Monday morning, so I thought I would take a bit of time to reflect on the first 13 days of my challenge/adventure/temporary psychosis...whatever you want to call it.

The last 13 days have been both an eye opening and educational experience. I find myself being very aware of the effect that food had on my body. I will admit, it hasn't been a perfect 13 days, but I can definitely tell a difference in my body and mood when I eat something that is filled with sugar or grains. Although that doesn't mean that when presented with the opportunity to indulge in homemade cookies or other goodies I would turn them down. Which says something about the power of emotional attachment to food. That I would knowingly make myself uncomfortable to enjoy food.

Part of me thinks it's been a LONG 13 days of avoiding grains to the best of my ability and will power, but then again, I also think that it hasn't really been that hard either. I guess most of the "sacrifices" I've had to make have been in either convenience or cost. If I eat out now (aside from Friday of course) I choose places that I know I  can get decent quality primal foods.

Prime example is Saturday. Ryan and I were out Christmas shopping all day long. In the midst of our shopping we realized that we were both completely famished. Driving down Westheimer near the Beltway we were going through our options for a quick bite. There were the usual suspects, fast food, sandwich shops etc. Ryan knew that I would find "something" to eat at any of those places, but he knew it probably wouldn't be a great idea. So instead of stopping at a less-than-ideal fast food place, we ran into a Whole Foods and I found some cheese and chicken salad* that I could have as a big snack while we finished. Better decision and I felt much better than I would have. Typical fast food meal averted!

The same thing happened at dinner. Done shopping, it's late, we're tired, usually a recipe for a quick drive through meal. However, we were on such a role that neither one of us wanted fast food. So we ate at La Madeline, where I could get a bowl of soup and a salad with chicken. The other bonus was we got to spend some time together with no other distractions. With Ansley, I think we forget what it's like to converse without interruptions!

I think I set out with a goal of being somewhere between "on" 80% of the time and then allowing myself some "off" time about 20% of the time. The last 13 days have been close to 90/10. I can think of two whole meals that have not been grain-free and a couple of handfuls of things, but I definitely pick and choose where I want to "spend" my 20% very carefully!

*as a side note - I'm now craving this chicken salad! Might have to make a run back to Whole Foods today to get some for lunch.

Fail.

I actually thought about not posting this, but then I figured that this blog would be a useless piece of web space if I wasn't being completely honest with the 3 MAYBE 4 of you that read this.

Today started off with a lot of positive self talk and planning. I had my monthly department meeting all day and at each meeting there is a massive cornucopia of food all day long. Not to mention that we go out to lunch ( we are teachers, there is no daily out to lunch for us) so it's a big deal.

I did a good job in the morning resisting the sugar-trap that was the food table. Danishes, candy, hot chocolate (the instant kind), oatmeal and cookies beckoned me. I drank my usual protein shake and had an apple for a snack. I thing the apple made me even more hungry than I should have been because I ended up eating a banana with peanut butter smeared on it. Peanut butter is not ideal, but I was in a bind and needed some fat to hold me over. I wasn't thinking this morning and didn't grab my usual bag of nuts that I keep on hand.

Lunch= possible disaster. Everyone decided to go to Olive Garden to eat. Okay, great. I resisted pasta while on a date with my dear husband, so this shouldn't be that bad. Well, it was bad and good. I ordered a chicken skewer with potatoes, grilled chicken, and grilled veggies. Primal WIN! Then they brought out the salad and breadsticks and if you've ever eaten at Olive Garden you know how good the salad and breadsticks are. The breadsticks have some sort of magical coating that melts in your mouth and I think takes you to heaven for a split second...I'm just sayin'. I quickly grabbed some salad to try and fend off the need to have a breadstick. I lost that battle, although it was a better decision than I normally make. I only ate ONE breadstick. Escaping Olive Garden with a one breadstick wound...fine by me!

The afternoon was a breeze because I really wasn't that hungry. I did however eat 2 mini Reece's Cups that someone handed to me. FAIL. Not a huge fail, but one nonetheless.

I hate to say, but this is going to get worse before it gets better....

More Christmas shopping with the significant other and the daughter. Daughter did not want to cooperate at the mall. I really should have learned my lesson last time, she does not like the mall, or maybe she just doesn't like being in her stroller, whatever it is, it sucks! One the way home, I was tired, stressed and a little put out by my lovely child's behavior in public. So I actually said the words, "I really just want a burger and fries right now." AAAAAHHHHHHHHH! And what's worse is that my husband actually complied. He's supposed to be the unemotional one. He's supposed to make the right decisions for me, when I can't do that for myself! The only thing I can think is that he, too, has succumb to the stress that lingers in the mall....it clouds your judgement, like having an out of body experience or something.

Guess I'll have to get back on the bandwagon tomorrow. Just sabotaging myself, it's really unfair. I think this stemmed from eating too much sugar during the day. AND you know what else stinks about this....It wasn't even that good :(  I'll just end with two words. McDonald's...yuck....

Occasion.

Last night was one of "those" nights. The ones that come along every now and then, where I gave myself the leeway to indulge in foods that are currently on my Do Not Eat list. It was quite refreshing to not feel like I was "cheating", there was no guilt, just the freedom of enjoying the food and socializing that came with it.

Our Women's Ministry at church had a progressive dinner to celebrate the Christmas season. I had the pleasure of dining at a good friend of mine's house. As a guest in someone's house, I'm not going to start making demands on what they should and should not cook or serve. She had chips with guacamole and salsa. I did have a few chips LOADED with guacamole...yum, yum. For dinner we ate homemade enchiladas, rice, beans, and tamales. I ate one enchilada, one tamale and some rice. I savored the flavors of the food and found myself enjoying what I was eating so much more.

When we finished our meal and fellowship, it was onto the dessert home for an ornament exchange. This was actually the easiest to resist. The sweets that were there didn't appeal to me. I did have a few peanut M&Ms, so I guess you could call that a "cheat" because it wasn't something I planned for or really savored...I just ate them because they were there :)

Pretty good evening though. I had a great time talking with some wonderful people, making new friends, and focusing more attention on conversation and enjoying myself, rather than what was on my plate!

Chick-fil-a

Why the temptation!
Our adminstration is doing a nice thing for the teachers everyday until we get out for the Christmas break. So today we got a FREE Chick-fil-a sandwich delivered to our rooms. I mean c'mon man! It is sitting on my desk staring at me....grrr you yummyness of fried chicken and carb loaded bun! I will say no to you!
Can't they just bring a grilled chicken salad next time?!?

Jeans!

It started off as a good day today. I slipped some jeans on that are usually pretty snug around my waist and they fit so much better! It is amazing, just 6 days of laying off of the sugar and carbs and I am feeling a change in my body. I haven't completely given up on carbs, I had a few pretzels and a Luna bar or two but I am saying no to the bread, cereal and chips. Sometimes it is hard during lunch because I like just a typical sandwich and chips but I find something else and am equally satisfied. Last night I cooked tacos and I just made shells for Dane and I ate the meat and cheese, and it was GOOD. I really did like it. I did not stuff myself but did not leave myself starving. This is a concept I am learning.
But there is progress being made and can't wait for the 30 day results!
Whoo Hoo!

Unprepared Part 2

Well, yay for Beth's posts. Enjoyed reading them sister! I feel the same way that if I eat a piece of bread I just say "forget it" now I'll eat whatever I want. For example, yesterday I was at the softball fields ALL day! I went home for about an hour and a half but other than that I was freezing my tail off watching games. (the team I coach was hosting a tournament and we had to work it). When I woke up yesterday I grabbed a Luna bar and water and headed to the fields. I ate my Luna bar and worked. I went home and was not in the mood to eat anything (not typical for me). After going to the softball fields again and staying until 7:45ish Dane and I went home and, as Beth said, I was unprepared for a meal that I can quickly make. At this point in the day I was starving! Dane started heating up a Digorino pizza and I ate one piece for dinner. Carbs I know! Usually when we eat a pizza I consume 4 sometimes 5 slices! I figured if I just eat one, I won't be starving and it is just enough until I go to bed. It was OK, I felt fine afterwards and went to sleep!

This morning I weighed myself and was excited about the result, although I did not eat much yesterday so that can affect my weight, I am still seeing progress with my body and my decision making. This morning I weighed in at 154.4, that is 3 lbs less than my starting weight. The exciting part is we have only been doing this for 5-6 days! I can't wait to see the results after day 30! Take it one day at a time!

Unprepared.

After a great weekend, I was actually looking forward to going grocery shopping for some yummy grain-free foods. I even had a couple of recipes that I want to try out this week. If they work I'll definitely post them here!

This is where the fun stopped. Not only did I not leave for the grocery store until late, my local HEB did not have the ingredients I needed for my recipes. Bummer. So after searching high and low, asking no less than 4 people for things, I gave up and decided to call it a night. I was frustrated that I will probably have to make a trip to Whole Foods tomorrow to finish off my list.

So now it's already late and my dear husband calls and informs me that both he and Ansley are starving and that I don't have time to cook anything when I get home. Pick up food it is. This is where I need a massive overhaul. We eat out entirely too much because of a lack of preparation and time management on my part. I need to figure out some easy, primal-type foods that I can cook quickly. Okay, back to the conundrum...

Hubby says to stop at Burger King. A familiar feeling starts in the pit of my stomach. That feeling of, "well, I know I should make a good decision, but I'm starving and it's not going to hurt anything to have a burger and fries this one time." I made the good decision and got a salad from the menu. Onward I go.

At home, I anxiously pullnout my "salad" and immediately wonder what I've wasted my hard earned money on. The salad is lettuce, 4 baby carrots, a bit of cheese. I also get a package of croutons, and this is what totally grossed me out, a separate baggie of "grilled" chicken. I made the mistake of touching the chicken and I promise I threw up in my mouth a little bit. It was gross...my description on here would do it no justice. The fact that I could tell the chicken had been thrown in a microwave and had a slimy film covering it was just disgusting. I mean, I should have known, it's Burger King....not Salad King. Into the trash the salad went. I was going to wing it.

Bottom line, not great at winging it yet. I could wing a great meal before I started this, some chicken nuggets, macaroni and cheese, and maybe some veggies. I stood in my kitchen looking around like some food was just going to jump out of the air for me to eat. I stood too long. Finally decided to eat some bacon(which I decided to cook in the oven for the first time), eggs and fruit. The bacon cooking took longer than expected and baby girl was having a rough night, so no eggs and no fruit. Sad to say, I ate 3 pieces of bacon(when it finally finished cooking) and a glass of whole chocolate milk. Lame? Yes. Lesson learned? I hope so!

Disclosure.

In the interest of full disclosure, I thought I needed to  recap the last 36 hours...

While I was not perfect, I was vastly improved and as a former athlete, I can say that improvement is always a step in the right direction. If I was always perfect then what would I be working for, right?

Ryan and I had a wonderful date weekend planned. We travelled into the big city and planned on having a nice dinner,  seeing A Christmas Carol at the Alley Theatre and then staying the night at Hotel Icon. Wonderful way to have a short getaway before the holiday madness begins! The temptation abounded, while I did not say 'no' to everything, I made great decisions that I am quite proud of.

We started out the evening at Mia Bella Trattoria. If you have not eaten here, I HIGHLY recommend it. The food was fabulous! One of the best restaurants I've eaten at in Houston. The restaurant setting was quaint and quiet, although some of the tables were a little too close together. Excellent service and an Italian menu to die for. Let me just pause there and reiterate that this was an ITALIAN restaurant, as in there was a basket of fresh bread served before our meal. I looked at the menu online before we went, so I had an idea of what I was going to order. I was unprepared for the basket of bread. Yikes - impending low carb disaster. So instead of eating the bread I did order a glass of wine (I know that wine is metabolized the same way as bread, but at least I got the small health benefits of a glass of wine). I ordered my food and decided that since I wasn't going to partake in the bread, I would order a salad. Bread temptation averted! The conversation, salad, and wine kept me busy enough to not really even think about eating it. I was actually quite surprised at how easy that was...I mean really surprised.

As a side note, the salad I had was the best salad I've ever tasted, it was a little bit sweet (had a grapefruit vinaigrette, granny smith apple slices, and candied pecans), the flavors of the greens and gorgonzola cheese balanced out the sweetness. There was some sugar in the candied pecans and probably the dressing, but negligible compared to the bread bomb sitting in front of me.

Dinner was easy, I love beef so I ordered an excellent peppercorn beef tenderloin sitting atop a bed of garlic-leek mashed potatoes and a crostini. It was surrounded by delicious fresh veggies. I didn't eat the crostini (wasn't hard to say no after turning down the bread basket :) ) and had a few bits of the potatoes. We ended up having another glass of wine, so I'm sure at this point my body thinks I've had a basket of bread, but I think I'm trying to get more in the practice of turning down the things that tempt me on a regular basis. Wine is not an everyday thing, but bread definitely is!

We strolled a few blocks down to the Alley Theatre to see A Christmas Carol. I just mentioned that because it was a great performance! The actor who played Ebenezer Scrooge was fantastic. After the show we went back to the hotel and shared a bowl of homemade ice cream at the hotel restaurant. Full fat milk, cream and sugar...can't beat that! I'm finding that I'm now relishing my indulgences a bit more, because I pick and choose what I REALLY want to eat.


All in all I'm quite proud of the weekend out I had! Like Jamie said in her last post, I'm eating and not feeling sickly full when I'm done. That part is great. We ordered room service this morning before we left and I got back on my low carb wagon and had eggs, bacon and a cup of hot tea. My resolute commitment to making a lifestyle change is freeing me from the guilt of the "oh great, I had a piece of bread today...I'm totally off my diet so I'll just go binge on whatever I want" mentality. I know that there will be birthdays, holidays, date nights, etc. where I want to eat whatever I feel like, but those most definitely be SPECIAL occasions. It's the everyday choices that will bring me success and the allowance of occasional treats that will keep me happy.

Temptation.

Petit Four: is a small confection generally eaten at the end of a meal (e.g. with coffee) or served as part of dessert. The name is from the French petit four, meaning "small oven". (source: wikipedia)


This small iced  cake of deliciousness is still sitting in my refrigerator from Tuesday night. I'm not sure why I haven't thrown it away yet, maybe I like the feeling of denying myself the sweet decadence of eating it each time I open the fridge. It's like electroshock therapy or something. Or am I holding on to it to "reward" myself at some point for being so awesome? Only time will tell...

Battles Won!

Well, yesterday was successful, for the most part. After school I had a pounding headache (and I never get headaches) I honestly think it was because I did not have any sugar in my system. My body is so used to having some kind of carbs or sweet that it was mad I did not feed it! I went to the grocery store yesterday and got some things I can snack on or eat for lunches. When I came home I had to lay down because I was in pain (sad, I know) so I had a clemintine (sp?) and half of a Luna bar. I know there are carbs in there but I might die if I quit cold turkey on day 2! Dane and I went over to a friends house last night to eat dinner and I knew I would be tested! As soon as I walk in there were chips and cheese dip (by the way...I LOVE cheese chip and chips) I went and sat on the couch and did not fall! Whoo Hoo!! When we ate dinner we had chicken, green beans, and I had half a spoon full of mashed potatoes, they also had rolls and I denied! So there were a couple of small battles won yesterday and I feel good about it.
I weighed myself as well this morning and I weighed in at 156.4...So almost a full pound. We are making progress!
Keep winning the battles!!

Awesome.

Just wanted to share....

Weighed in at Crossfit today.... 149.5 lbs! That's down a pound from last week.

That is all, thanks!

Crave.

I knew this time would come...

It's 1:45 in the afternoon, I've eaten lunch, and now I want something sweet. BOO...Mark Sisson advocates eating more fat if you are still feeling hungry and craving sugar. My body is going through a phase right now where it wants the simple energy from some sugar. It doesn't know that after eating a sugar-filled snack my insulin will spike, which will make me feel full of energy, but will subsequently crash and I will be more tired and groggy than before. It's all about balance!

So, I will sit here at my desk and snack on some delicious raw almonds, cashews, and walnuts and stay busy enough to not think about sugar!

carbs, carbs, and CARBS OH MY!!

Howdy!
Yesterday was not too bad. I did have a fun size Kit Kat--grrr....but it is OK. Dinner was a challenege, my husband does not gain weight (yet) and he eats whatever his little heart desires and he is heating up pizza last night and it looked so good! But I told myself I could do it. I had to call Beth for some eating tips because I am still not sure about the wrongs and rights. So when all else fails, EGGS! I ate eggs last night with a yogurt. I always think that won't be enough because for some reason I feel I have to stuff myself at dinner. I was not hungry after my meal and I did not have to feel guilty. WHOO HOO! As I was looking through my pantry this morning I realize that I have carbs everywhere! Cereal, toast, bagels, breakfast bars OH MY! Luckily I still had a couple of protein shakes in my fridge so I grabbed one of those. I have a big jar of mixed nuts at school that I can snack on. I need to go to the store and get some food!
Here is my updated info (with my exact weight)
Age: 24
Height: 5'5
Weight: 157.2
Goal Weight: 140

I realize I want to lose 17 lbs and I don't expect to do it ALL this month but if I can get on the right track then I can do that in a couple of months.

Mexican Food.

Well, a small victory tonight, but a victory nonetheless! We had our church youth group Christmas Party and some of the parents catered fajitas for everyone to eat. It was low carb kryptonite...tortillas, chips, beans....all so yummy! I a made a decision to not derail what I was trying to accomplish on the very first day, so I ate fajita meat, a small bit of rice (not great, but not horrible), cheese and a large helping of guacamole (fat is good for me!). Not too bad, BUT this was a party so there were desserts galore! Rice Krispie treats, cookies, pies in all their sugary goodness were calling out to me. I thought once, thought twice and told myself that I didn't need the guilt I would feel later from eating all that junk. Plus, if I'm going to cheat, then I'm going to do it with Mom's homemade Christmas cookies or some homemade Lemon Pie. I'm holding out for the stuff that would really be worth it. So one day down.....29 more to go and we'll see how I look and feel!


A side note: There is the issue of the Petit Fore (not sure about the spelling and I'm too lazy to look it up right now) that is still sitting in the 'fridge....

And it begins!

As you can see from Beth's post we are trying to lose the weight in the hardest month of the year. We can do it! I figure if I can lose the weight this month the other 11 months will be a breeze! I am a sucker for sweets and carbs! If someone told me to lay off of the fast food, NO PROBLEM! But when someone tells me no bread or no sugar I look at them like they are crazy. This challenge will be difficult for me but I know I can do it! I know if I stick to this and keep up my Crossfit training and running then I can get where I need to be. I am NOT going on a diet I am making a lifestyle change! Beth and I are creating habits, right Beth?!?! I am not sure of my weight, I will weigh tomorrow and post (AHH SCARY).

Here is my info so far:
Age: 24
Height: 5'5
Weight: unknown- 155ish? Will let you know tomorrow!
Goal Weight: 140